It's hard to believe, but it's been just over one full year since I started working at River Cafe Restaurant in Calgary. For some reason, which I can't even really explain to myself, I have had my sights set on working here for years... way back when I just needed a summer job to get me through art school and I wanted to be a server (I would have been awful at it I now see), to when I needed an internship during my time at baking school, to finally when I applied after graduating from baking school, hoping to find a job that felt "legit". Well let me tell you it's legit alright. I shall attempt to sum up my experience so far, which is a task so immense that it is difficult to start! But let's start at the beginning, shall we? I don't know what it is that kept drawing my to this place to apply time after time, knowing slightly in my head that this whole place is WAY COOLER than me... Perhaps it's that giant wooden entry door that just makes the whole experience of walking up to it very intimidating yet also full of excitement and wonder... Perhaps it's the location, in the middle of the city, yet stranded on an island, surrounded by green grass and towering trees and the most beautiful river view and so many ducks!!! *(I will later decide that the ducks are more annoying than cute, and at times, terrifying in their defensiveness) Perhaps because it is not only biking distance for me to get there, (what I look for first in a job, lol) but a rather gorgeous bike ride along the river pathway at that. Perhaps because it is one of Calgary's top restaurants (if not number 1) AND it is ranked 28 on the list of top restaurants in CANADA which is mighty impressive for little old Cow Town. Not that I need to work in "the best" restaurant, rather River Cafe is not just any ordinary restaurant, and that appealed to me. I want to work in interesting places and to me, this was a very interesting place, even though really at the time I didn't actually know much about it. I knew that they celebrated local/Canadian cuisine, but oh boy I didn't even know what that really meant. So like, lots of saskatoons and maple syrup? and Bacon? Yes, all of these things, but there's also a heck of a lot more to it. JuneUpon my third application I was invited to come in for a stage, which is a lovely opportunity for both employee and employer, to see how everything jives. You basically come in a volunteer for a day, so you can see how the kitchen runs and the kitchen can see how you run (almost literally) and if you will be a good fit or not. That day it was pouring rain and miserable out yet the restaurant was still buzzing and busy and wild. The executive chef met with me (#oneofthemostintimidatingmomentsofmylife) and very coldly straight up warned me that restaurant life is hard and the hours are long and basically encouraged me not to take the job. I have never worked in a restaurant before. But turning down the job because someone tells me it is difficult was not my plan and so I just smiled and nodded and said I understood even if I didn't understand and I said "That's okay" even though inside I was saying "is it though??" But through my trepidations I remained persistent. Even if the job was hard I wanted to at least try. I wanted to say for myself that it was too hard. I wanted the experience. Kind of like running a marathon, yes it might hurt and be difficult and you KNOW this... but it is also a goal to accomplish, a life experience to gain, and a sense of pride on the horizon. And I have a hard time saying no. My stage was mostly a blur of a very hectic stressful kitchen which included at one point water flooding in from outside into the basement and a very busy/pre-occupied but trying his best to accommodate me pastry chef. His assistant kept giving me tasks to do while juggling her own important to-do lists for the day. At the end, I was asked, "What do you think?" and apparently I replied with just a wide-eyed "Wow". I left feeling all the feelings. In the future I will look back on this day and laugh because not ALL days were like this at the restaurant, I just happened to pick a very crazy day. But if one can survive that... JulyI was hired (a miracle!) on the basis that I would be a part time pastry cook, there to assist the workload of the Pastry Chef and his assistant. I was able to still work part time at my other job (Higher Ground Cafe) which suited me just fine because I wasn't ready to leave the safety of that place just yet. Also, I thought, if working in a fine dining restaurant is intimidating and difficult and stressful, it's a wise plan to just start as part time, to dip my toes in the water you know? Not diving in head first, full time. Well, this worked for sure, I did dip my toes in. However once I did, it was a rather quick SWOOSH and I found myself entirely submerged. After my first real shift, in which I worked 9 hours with no break (which I am now entirely accustomed to however at the time I had never done such a thing) I was EXHAUSTED and overwhelemed and quite frankly terrified about the situation I had gotten myself into and downright worried that I had made the wrong choice and is this the place for me and what have I done and I am not cut out for this and the standards are too high and everything is too fancy and the people are unfamiliar and I don't know if I will ever fit in and what have I done. The run-on sentence is necessary to emphasize how my brain was functioning at the time. I honestly felt like I had made some kind of mistake. But I was more horrified by the thought of quitting. I am not a quitter. I did not want to be a person who gets such an awesome job that many of my classmates would strive for and then work like one week and give up and say its too hard. Most of all, I was embarrassed that I was even having these thoughts. AND SO with the help of a good tear-filled heart to heart with my dear mother, I consoled myself by thinking: "I just have to get through this summer" and when even that felt daunting, I consoled myself by saying: "I just have to get through one month, and then I can re-assess things" Surely, things would settle by then and I could see things a little more clearly. Before things could have a chance to settle however, our lovely assistant to our fearless and crazy Pastry Chef got in a terrible horrible car accident which forced her out of the kitchen for 9 months (!) and to keep this story from rambling on too much, I can sum it up by saying aside from the shock of this tragedy, my help was needed more than originally planned and my hours increased. I was soon being trained on the bread shift so that I could cover our bread baker on her days off. Still not wanting to let go of Higher Ground, I was working much more than I had originally bargained for, but I didn't know how to avoid that. So I just kept nodding and smiling. Surely, things would settle soon enough. AugustMeanwhile, as I was forwarned, work was indeed difficult, but in a way that I could not have predicted or prepared for. I made so many mistakes that hurt me to my core because I felt stupid and guilty. I felt small and weak. I felt dumb. I felt like I didn't belong, I felt like maybe I was simply not nearly good enough for a place with such high standards... Perhaps a sign from the universe demonstrating my stress levels, it would also become known to me as the summer in which I discovered my first grey hair. But also, I was learning, and dare I say improving! Slowly but surely gaining more confidence, even if I didn't realize it at the time. Working 9-10 hours a day and working 6 days a week slowly became my normal. I was tired and sore most of the time. But along with all of this, I was also inspired and was in the middle of awesomeness that kept me coming back. And my mother kept telling me, "Don't worry, things will settle into routine soon". And although the lows were low, the highs were high. I considered myself incredibly lucky to be working with a pastry chef who was incredibly talented, ridiculously creative, straightforward and tough but not "yell-y", and who loved vinatge jazz music as much as I did. How lucky am I to have a boss who is a creative, artistic genius and takes me under his wing like a mentor, looks out for me, and cooks me the most delicious food I have ever tasted... all while playing the best music in the background (Decemberists, Fiest, Frank Sinatra, oh my!) I was also remarkably lucky to work in a bakery in a fancy restaurant that actually had it's own space and respect from the rest of the restaurant, AND A WINDOW!! Most bakeries are tucked away into small corners and basements and you never see the light of day. But ours? We had a DECENTLY SIZED WINDOW and could look out onto the island :D Unreal. We could look outside and see people walking in the park, and in the early mornings when I came in at 6am to bake off the bread, I could see the most beautiful lighting linger over the park as the sun was rising. This always made me pause for just a second and smile, even during a very busy morning. I am so grateful for that little window. I was also lucky that I had the opportunity to do some pretty fun jobs... In the pastry kitchen there are so many weird and wonderful tasks and very creative uses of ingredients... I ate things that I have never tasted before (seabuckthorn, tangerine marigold, sorrel, edible flowers! pine mushrooms, goose! morrels, sunchokes, quince!), I used ingredients and techniques that I had never used. I made things I was always afraid to try making. I made plenty of mistakes, but I would try my best to forget the awful feeling of making the mistake and instead remember the lesson from it I had learned. I discovered how to use ingredients in magical ways that I had never thought of before. And although it is odd, many of the most tedious jobs were my favourite. Picking loads of tiny currants off the stems, pitting cherries, piping tiny dots of strawberry-rhubarb curd onto little golden bars of brown-butter blondie, making and forming literally hundreds of miniature waffle cones... very repetitive and daunting, but also meditative. I wasn't very good to start but I kept at it and slowly saw improvements. I was trying my best and generally succeeding and keeping a positive attitude and finding the joy in what I was doing. Compliments are not handed out often in the kitchen, but it also means that when they are, you know they are genuine. And boy that feels good. I realized that I was very lucky to be in the position I was in. I became less intimidated by the other staff and had now learned most of their names and work was feeling more friendly. We played good music and opened the window and had a lot of fun in the bakery. Many of the other staff often come into our space just because it's a nice place to be. In short, work was hard and demanding, but it was also fulfilling and rewarding. AND FUN. I was working in a kitchen, but most of the time I felt like I was part of some strange artist studio, and the work we were creating also happened to be edible. And also, delicious. Seriously living the dream! I was asked if I wanted to stay and continue working in the fall. By now I was too curious to see what kind of whimsical desserts we would make next and excited for the learning opportunity. I wanted to see how the restaurant changed with the changing of the seasons. And, I was told, Fall would be much less busy, and things will slow down. "Things might even settle!" SeptemberOctoberI can tell you that right up until we shut the place down after New Years Eve, things never did settle as promised. I've learned to expect the unexpected, and know that there is always going to be something crazy that pops up out of nowhere, juuuuuust when you think things are starting to feel "normal". You can try to prepare yourself as best you can, however every single day is different, and you really never know exactly what is going to happen. This is difficult for someone like myself who really likes to plan ahead and be prepared and know what is going on. As much as I would like to be, I am NOT a spontaneous person. However, I contradict myself because I also love it, and the randomness can be fun, it keeps things interesting. I certainly have never, and do not understand the meaning of the word bored. Boredom is not in my vocabulary. I believe if you think you are bored YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG. I have always wanted the experience of working in a restaurant, and even though I am not really the best at it and don't always fit in, I have learned and grown so much and I can't believe how much more comfortable everything feels. I am stronger (both mentally and physically, thank you 22kg bags of rolled oats and constant running up and down stairs with immensely hefty trays of sourdough bread dough), and I have learned ways to be more efficient and how to function/survive in a restaurant. Don't get me wrong, I still make plenty of mistakes and still consider myself very inexperienced, but I have certainly grown and learned a ton. If I have one thing going for me it is my positive attitude and I was determined to keep that alive no matter what. It has helped me in so many ways. When people ask me how I like my job I tell them the truth: that it is very hard, but also very rewarding. I think back to after my first day and how terrified I was and I am SO GLAD that I stuck with it and kept trying. Yes it is hard, yes it is difficult, yes I am physically drained at the end of every shift. But I do not regret any of it, rather I am incredibly grateful for this experience. My boss has often joked with me that of all the places to work for my first restaurant experience, I sure picked a wild one (one of the busiest in town with the highest standards) and "if you can survive here then you can work anywhere". NovemberNow I know how to make and bake all sorts of breads, pastries, desserts, chocolates, sauces, garnishes, and more. Making wedding cakes feels (dare I say it) easy (okay no, easier) instead of daunting, I know how to tell when croissants are proofed (something that remained a mystery to me throughout baking school). I've plated desserts and yelled "SERVICE PLEASE!" (a very thrilling thing to do, yet for a soft-spoken someone like me is also incredibly challenging) I can use a both a paco jet and a vac machine with some kind of confidence and I know how to make "fluid gels" and I finally understand all the settings on the fancy-thousand-dollar-ovens we use. I (unfortunately) say "CORNER" almost everytime I turn a blind corner (even in public and on the bike path). I've also gained the habit of knocking on doors everytime I go to open them, as if to warn whoever might be on the other side that I'm opening the door. An important move in the kitchen, kind of ridiculous to do in the outside world, I've made friends with the people who intimidated me at first, and I've mastered (well, gotten better at) jobs that I once failed horribly at. I've made steam buns, mousses, chocolate garnishes, curd, cookies, brownies, butterscotch, buttercream and countless cakes. I've rolled out dough, processed fruit, picked herbs and rhubarb from the garden, scrubbed flour bins and racks, mopped floors, rounded a million buns, peeled parsnips, HECK I have even cut thin slices of bread to turn into crostinis to feed none other than our very own prime minister! DecemberThis has been the longest post in the universe, so if you are still reading, congratulations and thank you... reflecting about all this is mostly a selfish act so please excuse me as I give myself a pat on the back. (sorry/not sorry) But it feels darn good to sit here right now and look back on all I've accomplished and know that I can and will handle whatever crazy curve balls are thrown at us this year... The most important thing I've learned is the powder of a positive attitude. It is SO IMPORTANT to be able to make mistakes and learn from them without taking things personally and getting down on yourself. There's a quote that I think about often that says "Forget the mistake, remember the lesson." It can be so easy in a busy restaurant to get caught up in the stress and let stuff get to you. I have learned how to still work hard and aspire to be my best, but not go crazy. I want to do a good job but if I mess up I will not let it destroy me. I have to remain positive and keep appearing happy because that defines who I am and it's what I am best at. In the words of my inspiring coworker, "nothing's gonna bring me down". Everyday might not be good, but there is good in everyday. Focus on that. In the meantime, it's summer and I am still here! Trying to enjoy every minute and finding the joy in every task and every day. Which is easy right now because a new summer menu change is HAPPENING and GET THIS: I have the task of coming up with a "Tasting Dessert" feature soon after! Excuse me as I pick my jaw up off the floor. I never thought I'd be here. I am so happy I am.
Thank you, River Cafe, for everything.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Tiny Tea PartyIt's about celebrating the tiny things. Categories
All
© 2015 Larissa Costella
All Rights Reserved (All images and content are my own unless otherwise noted) |